An ode to Maria Menounos
We’re all liminal celebrities now
This week, I went to the movies. No, I didn’t see Barbenheimer: Curse of the Pink Cloud. I went with my kids, where we saw some animated movie with an equally ridiculous title. Let’s play a game, shall we? Was the movie called
A. Jackie Jamz, Human Sasquatch
B. Ruby Gilman, Teenage Kraken
C. Sally Stroheim, Monster Influencer
If you guessed B, you are correct! At least I think so? Maybe? Either way, I’m not here to talk about the movie itself. I’m here to talk about what played before the movie. You know, one of those trivia questions about movies you’ve never seen, or a behind-the-scenes preview look at some movie you can’t believe actually exists. This feature was called Noovie ( get it? New + movie? At least I think so?), and it was hosted by Maria Menounos, who I’ve come to think of as a paradigmatic figure for our time, one who embodies everything about our screen-saturated moment. I am Maria Menounos, is what I’m saying. And maybe you are too.
Who is Maria Menounos? Perhaps that’s not the question. Maybe this is: What is a Maria Menounos? What are the characteristics of this creature whose native habitat is the screen we all watch, everywhere, at all times?
The particulars of Menounos’ biography are not what I’m interested in here. I think she got her start on Entertainment Tonight or Access Hollywood or one of those newsmagazines? A Ryan Seacrest-type, per BoJack Horseman?
But Maria didn’t remain there. She broke containment. Kudzu-like, she spread her tendrils into every surrounding media ecosystem, invading every digital space.
Here are some places where I have seen the face of Menounos:
Gas pumps, the tiny TV playing as I fill up on unleaded
Convenience stores, on the TV above the register
Airplanes, where she appears as I select which in-flight movie I want to watch
Hotels, where she entices me with vacation packages
Facebook ads, alerting me to the latest doings of some starlet whose name rings no bells
Menounos is a liminal celebrity. ‘Liminal’ is one of those words beloved by English majors desperate to put their degrees to use. Basically, it means ‘in-between,’ as in a doorway or an arch or a landscape. Some place that is not a place on its own, but between one place and another. Always on the threshold, never entering.
Menounos is the empress of this liminal space. And this space is where more and more of us live now. Phones in hand, faces onscreen, broadcasting our images to assorted followers as we stand in parking lots or the dairy aisle.
But this raises the question: if, like Madre Maria, we’re all liminal celebrities now, then what places are we in-between, even? What place have we left? What place are we going to? Or is there no longer any other place than the gas station, the airport, the grocery store? Consolidated spaces where products and experiences are sold to us with soothing voices?
Maybe the in-between is the only place left.
At least Maria will be there to let us know what to expect.